My Life With Comic Books: Part #177

A brief introduction:

My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the "luckiest man in the comic book business" but that all changed as of January 9th 2001, when our son, Adam Howley, died.

The current cast of characters:

Paul Howley: age 46
Mal Howley: age 46
Adam Howley: my son, age 21
Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16


MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 177

“Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, Life Goes On.” Part Three.

On that freezing-cold day in February of 2001, thirty-nine friends from our church in Laconia, New Hampshire joined us as we anxiously waited for Adam’s friends to arrive in the park of Newport, Rhode Island. As the “Park Rats” arrived, we encouraged them to sit on the tarps we had set up on the frozen ground and they huddled together to try to keep warm. Eventually, about sixty young people who knew our son Adam came to hear what we all wanted to share with them.

Mal began by assuring the kids that Adam had really loved them. She explained that Adam understood the importance of love because of the love that God had for him--perfect love with no conditions, a free, undeserved gift from the creator. Mal explained the concept of the beaded bracelets that our church had made for Adam’s friends and she gave them out to all of the kids.

We invited some of Adam’s Rhode Island friends to come up and share about Adam. A few of the kids shared some poetry they had written about Adam. I read a poem Adam had written during his stay in Newport.

Some of the teenagers from our church performed a short play called “The Doors Drama.” In this short, nearly wordless play, a young woman moves from door to door, seeking fulfillment in her life. She tries drugs but finds that path to be an empty promise of happiness. She tries materialism but that is also unsatisfying. After several more options, she opens the door that the Creator of the Universe offers and finds purpose and fulfillment. “Ask and it will given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7)
“So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” (Revelation 3:20)

Our friend, Eric Robinson, stood and shared a message with the kids. He explained that he understood their reluctance to conform to what “society” wants them to be like and related their feelings and ideas to his own teen-years as a rebellious non-conformist. Eric let them know that the void they felt in their lives could not be filled with drugs, sex, or money. But God, the Creator of all, can fill our lives with direction and purpose. Eric urged the kids to consider this, not because they thought Adam would want them to, but because they truly wanted to explore a deeper relationship with God. He asked anyone interested to come up front so that we could pray with them and talk to them about the spiritual possibilities that this could open up for them. Out of approximately 60 kids, 41 of them came up front to hear more.

We had contacted a local church to ask if they would be willing to be at this meeting to offer support to any of the kids who wanted more information. They did come and they recorded the names and contact information of the kids who expressed interest.

Because of Adam’s death, a seed was now planted in the hearts and minds of dozens of kids.

Pictures: Adam in a car in Newport, Rhode Island (one of my favorite pictures…he looks very happy here!)
Adam with some of his Rhode Island friends.
Adam with his friend, Aleeta.

My Life With Comic Books: Part # 176

A brief introduction:

My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the "luckiest man in the comic book business" but that all changed as of January 9th 2001.

The current cast of characters:

Paul Howley: age 46
Mal Howley: age 46
Adam Howley: my son, age 21
Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16


MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 176

“Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.” Part Two.

A week or so after Adam’s memorial service, Mal felt the need to communicate with Adam’s friends in Newport, Rhode Island but she wasn’t sure how to go about it. She discussed her thoughts with church friends, Ronnie and Christine St. Cyr. They offered to organize a group of church members to go down to the park in Newport to speak with the kids. Knowing that we wouldn’t get too many opportunities to do something like this, we began to design a meeting that could get a message across to the “Park Rats.” Mal wanted to let the kids know why Adam loved them so much.

Ronnie suggested that Mal and I go with him to the park area to pray for some guidance about what we should present to Adam’s friends. We also spoke to the local authorities to get the proper permission to hold a meeting in the public park. One of the people in the City Hall knew about Adam and she helped us get the permission. Once we established a date, we began contacting some of Adam’s Rhode Island friends and asked them to spread the word about the upcoming meeting. Meanwhile, our church prepared for the meeting. Knowing that the Park Rats loved wearing jewelry, someone thought to create bracelets for the kids using colored beads that represented important things. The black bead represented our heart darkened by sin. The red bead represented Christ’s blood shed to redeem us. The white bead represented us as new creatures cleansed by Christ’s sacrifice. The green bead represented our growth in Christ. The gold bead represented our new eternal life with Jesus Christ.

While these bracelets were being made, a group of young people began to practice a short drama titled “The Doors,” depicting the many choices we have in life and how unfulfilling these choices can be. Our nephew Jesse would play the role of Jesus and several of Cassy’s friends would play the other characters. Cassy would play the “seeker” character who went from door to door, desperately seeking something meaningful in this life. Things were coming together for our upcoming presentation for the kids in Newport.

On February 11, 2001, on a freezing cold day, thirty-nine people from our church in Laconia, New Hampshire loaded into several vehicles and drove the three hours to Newport, Rhode Island. Mal and I rode with Ronnie and Christine St.Cyr on the way down. I vaguely remember a conversation someone started about my thoughts on human cloning. Of course, I’d spare no expense to bring Adam back, but a human clone, although similar, wouldn’t be the same person. He wouldn’t have shared the same life experiences that made Adam who he was. Would a cloned human being even have a soul? What a strange conversation!

We had no idea if there would any more than a handful of Adam’s friends showing up for this meeting, especially because of the below-freezing temperatures. We eagerly began to set up tarps for the “Park Rats” to sit on so they wouldn’t have to sit directly on the frozen ground. We set up a small amplifier so that our voices could be heard throughout the small park. While this trip had been organized by Ronnie and Christine, (and they really knew what they were doing!) they were very gracious and allowed Mal and I to take over and run this as we wanted. I only hoped that we’d draw a receptive crowd.

Next chapter: The Park Rats.

My Life With Comic Books: Part # 175

A brief introduction:

My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the "luckiest man in the comic book business" but that all changed as of January 9th 2001.

The current cast of characters:

Paul Howley: age 46
Mal Howley: age 46
Adam Howley: my son, age 21
Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16


MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 175

“Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.”

After the memorial service, my sister Sharon and her husband Greg invited family and a small group of our friends back to their home. I don’t remember much of what went on there, but I know we were glad to share this time with this group of people. After everyone had left, we eventually had to go home and begin our life without Adam.

We still had an abundance of food that was prepared for us by friends and members of our church and that’s what we ate for several days. We invited some of our closest friends over to help us eat up the remaining food but we eventually needed additional items from our local grocery store. I went by myself to do a quick shopping but as I went down each row I was overwhelmed with memories of Adam. His favorite breakfast cereals. Fruits and yogurts. Cheeses. Lots of cheeses. When I got to the juice aisle I saw the individual small cans of V-8 vegetable juice and remembered when we used to buy the large container and fill Adam’s thermos each day for his school lunch because it was cheaper than the small cans. I know this probably seems silly, but this memory was too much for me. I needed to get out of the grocery store right away before I totally broke down. I left the cart, full of food, right there in the aisle and rushed home.

When I was a kid, my father taught me that happiness in this life is mostly about our attitude. We can choose to be miserable or make the best out of our situation. I didn’t want to be miserable but losing Adam seemed overwhelming. It seemed like no amount of positive, wishful thinking could make me truly happy again. But I needed to try. I needed to be strong for my wife. I needed to be strong for my daughter.

I was fortunate that I was allowed to be a school board member at Cassy’s school. It gave me something to do that seemed worthwhile and it filled up lots of my time. The students, staff, and teachers were very caring people who were instrumental to my healing process. Spending time at the school with Debbie Monnell, Roger Allen, Brenda Carney, Belinda Simpson, and Jim Morel and others, gave me another purpose and reason to try to function normally. But my “normal” was now going to be very different for me. It’s hard to explain.

Mal spent many of her days with Liz Verhoeks at Liz’s “Laconia Pottery” store. Mal had been teaching rubberstamp card making classes at the store for a while but she wasn’t up to socializing with strangers so she decided to take some time off.

We were invited out for lunch one day with a couple we knew. Both are very nice people who wanted to comfort us. But at one point during our lunch, the wife (trying to empathize with our pain) explained how much she misses her oldest daughter. She said that there are times that she missed her so much that she’d wear one of her daughter’s sweaters just to feel close to her. We understood what our friend was trying to communicate but it just didn’t work. Her daughter was attending college about two hours away. Our friend could see or talk to her daughter anytime she wanted. Our son was gone.

Cassy’s life was very busy. She had lots going on at school with sports, studies and the upcoming school play. She felt the need to dive right back into school as soon as possible. I still remember the sick feeling I had as I watched her drive off to school on her first day back.

Right after Adam’s accident, Cassy’s old boyfriend, John, begged her to break-up with her current boyfriend. John assured Cassy that he regretted previously breaking up with her and that he wanted to “be there” for her in her time of pain and sorrow. We encouraged Cassy to seriously consider this before she did anything. It’s not a good idea to make important decisions while you are very emotional. She said she understood but she was determined to get back together with John. It didn’t take very long for the “real” John to come back and he broke her heart again. This is not what Cassy needed right now.

Mal had a growing urge to do something to help Adam’s friends from the park in Newport, Rhode Island. She wanted the “Park Rats” to know more about Adam and explain why he loved them. She discussed this desire with church members Ron and Christine St. Cyr.

Next chapter: Our church makes a plan.

My Life With Comic Books: Part # 174

A brief introduction:

My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the "luckiest man in the comic book business." But that all changed as of January 9th 2001.

The current cast of characters:

Paul Howley: age 46
Mal Howley: age 46
Adam Howley: my son, age 21
Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16


MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 174
“The Memorial Service for Adam Dean Howley”


We opened up the memorial service for anyone to share their thoughts about Adam and several of his long-time friends and co-workers came up to speak.

James Gray recalled that he always enjoyed playing with Adam when they were kids. One day when James went to Lexington Christian Academy he was bullied by an older student and Adam stuck up for him. Adam’s love of other people inspired James to work with young people. A co-worker from “Friendly’s” explained that Adam was not only a good worker, but a good friend. Even though Adam was very busy getting ready to leave for college, he took the time to go to the assistant manager’s home to try to help her fix her computer. She appreciated his unselfishness. Adam’s friend Phil Doreau (wearing the bright blue satin suit that matched the purple suit that he and Adam wore to their high school prom) told a funny story about hiding in the basement of our Massachusetts home for two days without us even knowing he was there. Adam snuck pork chops and other food down to him by hiding the food in his pockets!

I don’t remember if any other friends or family got up to speak, but after a few minutes went by, a young 17-year old girl from Rhode Island slowly walked to the front of the room. She wore brightly colored clothes and her hair was dyed a bright purple. She explained that her father had died when she was only 15. For the next two years she wore all black clothes and her hair had been dyed black. Then she met Adam. Adam’s love of people and his love of life brought “colors” back to her life.

Another Rhode Island boy, who spoke with a heavy speech impediment, explained that almost everyone made fun of him and many people thought he was mentally retarded. But things changed when he met Adam. Adam wouldn’t allow anyone to tease him anymore. His life was better because of Adam.

One of Adam’s favorite Rhode Island friends, Victor, explained that he used to be a violent kid, picking fights and releasing his rage on anyone who crossed him. Adam taught him to love and to be more patient.

I was grateful to hear that Adam had a positive effect on his friends and co-workers.

To wrap up the time of sharing, Adam’s Uncle Greg Demund and Adam’s cousin Emily came up front. Greg read a poem he wrote for the service:

“Six weeks premature Adam was born,
Bright blond hair his head did adorn.
He beat his cousin Em by just three weeks,
So the race was on, their lives to compete.
Whatever the task, or the race may be,
The two fought fiercely the winner to see.
Tricycle races were a major event,
Adam beating Emily with as fast as he went.
Report card grades were always there,
Each one comparing so as to be fair.
Adam never liked that Emily was taller,
But consoled in the fact that Cassy was smaller.
High School graduation finally did arrive,
Emily graduated first to Adam’s despise.
Two knives were used to cut their cake,
Adam cut first, this prize he did take.
Adam was a joy for all to see,
A smile on his face and wild shoes had he.
He could dance, and he would sing,
The world was his stage, always performing.
In musicals and plays he was at home,
The theatre he loved as his life has shown.
Paul and Mal watched with great delight,
As Adam performed in a play just right.
Red, yellow, green and purple hair had he,
The rainbow every week we did see.
Now through Heaven’s gate he has gone,
One last race he beat Emily on.
In the presence of the Lord he may stand,
Dance Adam dance, as only you can.
Stand at the feet of the King most high,
With your hair aglow and your hands raised high.
Sing with the angels your praises join in,
Although a Frank Sinatra tune is not a good hymn.
And when the Lord our God finally looks down,
He may truly wonder when he created a red crown.”



Emily read a section of a book titled, “A Gentle Thunder” by Max Lucado:

“Don’t let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s house; I would not tell you this if it were not true. After I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you may be where I am. (John 14:1-4)

“What kind of statement is that? Trust me with your death. When you face the tomb, don’t be troubled—trust me! You get the impression that to God the grave is a no-brainer. He speaks as casually as the mechanic who says to a worried client, “Sure, the engine needs an overhaul, but don’t worry. I can do it.” For us it’s an ordeal. For him it’s no big deal.

“The other night I did something that every parent has done dozens of times. I carried my daughter to bed. Five-year-old Sara fell asleep on the floor, and I picked her up, carried her up the stairs, and put her in bed. Why? I knew it was time for her to rest, and I knew that rest was better up there than down here.

“Doesn’t God do the same? Doesn’t he, knowing more than we, carry us to the place of rest he created? For God, death is no tragedy. In God’s economy, the termination of the body is the beginning of life.

“Can you imagine if Sara’s sisters objected to my decision to carry her upstairs? “Don’t take her. We’ll miss her. Please keep her here so we will all be together.”

“How would I answer? “Oh, but she’ll rest so much better in the room I have prepared for her. Besides, you’ll be coming up yourselves soon.”

“By calling us home, God is doing what any father would do. He is providing a better place to rest. A place he has “prepared for us.” Heaven is not mass-produced; it is tailor-made.

“Sometime ago I indulged and ordered two shirts from a tailor. I selected the cloth. The tailor measured my body. And several weeks later, I received two shirts made especially for me. There is a big difference between these two shirts and the other shirts in my closet. The tailored shirts were made with me in mind. The other shirts were made for any hundred thousand or so males my size. But not these two. They were made just for me.

“As a result, they fit! They don’t bulge. They don’t choke. They are just right. Such is the promise of heaven. It was made for us in mind. Elsewhere Jesus invites us to ‘receive the kingdom God has prepared for you since the world was made.’ (Matthew 25:34)

“The problem with this world is that it doesn’t fit. Oh, it will do for now, but it isn’t tailor-made. We were made to live with God, but on earth we live by faith. We were made to live forever, but on this earth we live but for a moment. We were made to live holy lives, but this world is stained by sin.

“This world wears like a borrowed shirt. Heaven, however, will fit like one tailor-made.

“By the way, I’ve often thought it curious how few people Jesus raised from the dead. He healed hundreds and fed thousands, but as far as we know he only raised three: the daughter of Jairus, the boy near Nain, and Lazarus. Why so few? Could it be because he knew he’d be doing them no favors? Could it be because he couldn’t get any volunteers? Could it be that once someone is in heaven, the last place they want to return to is here?

“We must trust God. We must trust not only that he does what is best but that he knows what is ahead. Ponder these words of Isaiah 57:1-2: ‘The good men perish; the godly die before their time and no one seems to care or ponder why. No one seems to realize that God is taking them away from the evil days ahead. For the godly who die shall rest in peace.’

“My, what a thought. God is taking them away from the evil days ahead. Could death be God’s grace? Could the funeral wreath be God’s safety ring? Why does an eight-year-old die of cancer? Why is a young mother taken from her children? As horrible as the grave may be, could it be God’s protection from the future? Trust in God, Jesus urges, and trust in me.”

Mal’s sister Madeline got up to introduce a special song. She said:

“About six months ago, my sister played the following song for her friend. She explained that her plan was to record this song on a cassette and tape it to Adam’s steering wheel in his car. The note attached would read: “Adam, this is to be the song we dance to at your wedding, Love, Mom”
“Although this event will not happen here on Earth, someday there will be a dance in Between Mal and Adam.” (to hear this song, please click on the link:

http://tinyurl.com/kimhill2


For those of you who are unable to click on the above link, here are the lyrics to this song:

Up To The Moon

I love you up to the moon,
And I love you big as the sky,
I love to watch you when you sleep,
I love to hold you when you cry,
One day when you’re older and
Taller than me,
I’ll say I watched you grow
Like a beautiful tree.
I love you up to the moon,
And I love you big as the sky,
You’ll always be my little man,
I love you the best that a mama can.
And one day if you rise up and
Call me blessed,
I’ll say it was a joy to give you my best.
‘Cause I love you up to the moon,
I love you big as the sky,
I love you up to the moon,
Love you up to the moon.

We closed the memorial service with an emotional song by Kathy Troccoli titled, “Goodbye For Now.”

Here are the lyrics:

Goodbye for Now

I can’t believe that you’re really gone now,
Seems like it’s all just a dream.
How can it be that the world will go on,
When something has died within me.

Leaves will turn. My heart will burn
With colors of you.
Snow will fall, But I’ll recall your warmth.
Summer wind, breathing in your memory.
I’ll miss you.

But there will be a time,
When I’ll see your face,
And I’ll hear your voice,
And there we will laugh again.
And there will come a day,
When I’ll hold you close,
No more tears to cry,
‘cause we’ll have forever,
but I’ll say goodbye for now.

I can’t imagine my life without you.
You held a place all your own.
Just knowing you were beneath the same sky,
Oh, what I joy I have known.

On rainy days, in many ways,
You’ll water my heart.
On starry nights I’ll glimpse the light,
Of your smile.
Never far from my heart,
You’ll stay with me.
So I’ll wait.

And there will be a time,
When I’ll see your face,
And I’ll hear your voice,
And there we will laugh again.
And there will come a day,
When I’ll hold you close,
No more tears to cry,
‘cause we’ll have forever,
but I’ll say goodbye for now.

Click here to hear the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8q_7iVQF0w

As this song ended, Adam’s casket was carried out to a waiting vehicle, which would deliver the casket to a storage facility until the frozen ground could be opened for his burial in June. The afternoon sky was a brilliant red color as we watched the hearse drive away.

My Life With Comic Books: Part # 173

A brief introduction: My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the "luckiest man in the comic book business." But that all changed as of January 9th 2001. The current cast of characters: Paul Howley: age 46 Mal Howley: age 46 Adam Howley: my son, age 21 Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16 MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 173 Pastor Jim Morel opened the memorial service for our son Adam with a prayer and then Mal's sister Carol sang a song (written by an old friend of ours, Lawrence Chewning) titled, "The Anchor Holds." I have journeyed through the long dark night out on the open sea By faith alone, sight unknown, and yet His eyes were watching me. The anchor holds, though the ship is battered. The anchor holds, though the sails are torn I have fallen on my knees as I faced the raging seas. The anchor holds in spite of the storm. I've had visions. I've had dreams. I've even held them in my hand. But I never knew they would slip right through Like they were only grains of sand. I've been young but I am older now and there has been beauty these eyes have seen But it was in the night, through the storms of my life, Oh, that’s where God proved his love to me. The anchor holds, though the ship is battered. The anchor holds, though the sails are torn. I have fallen on my knees as I faced the raging seas. The anchor holds in spite of the storm. This song meant a lot to us. We would need to rely on our faith to survive this loss and we'd trust that God would be our comforter. We invited friends and family to go up to the casket to write their "good-bye" message to Adam. As a line formed, we began to play the tape of music that was important to Adam—and to all of us. The following songs were included: "I Love You So Much" by Barbara Milne "Happy Birthday, Cassy," "Little Bunny Foo Foo," "Once There Was A Little Kitten," "Pledge of Allegiance," "Our Beautiful Flag," and "God Bless America," all sung by Adam age 5. A few songs sung by Adam and the Imago School Chapel Choir from 1991. "As The Deer" by Denise Seymour "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon "Under My Bed" by Joe Scruggs (This is a song that Adam sang at The Imago School Fine Arts Revue) "Animal Crackers" by Peter Alsop We played the phone message that Adam had recorded for our home answering machine "Sue Me," a song Adam sang to Meridith when they were both starring in "Guys and Dolls" "Sounds of Silence," by Simon and Garfunkel "Summer Love" sung by Adam and Cassy on our family cruise in 1998 "I've Got You Under My Skin," sung by Adam in 1998 "Santeria," by Sublime "With Or Without You," by U2 "Send In The Clowns," by Frank Sinatra "Help Me God," by Kathy Troccoli When the music ended I gave the eulogy that I had written. “Adam surprised us in 1979 by being born 6 ½ weeks early. It was just about the only time in his life that he was early for something. He weighed only 3 pounds, 8 ounces. We almost lost him because he stopped breathing twice. He stayed in the hospital pre-natal intensive care unit for three weeks until he reached about 5 pounds. Once we took him home though, he grew rapidly in mind, body and soul. “We read books to him almost every night at bedtime and it became a special time together. It helped develop Adam's lifelong interest in reading. By the time he was 4 years old, he was reading to us! He really was a brilliant boy. When he went to the local kindergarten he was shocked that his classmates were still learning their colors! When he was in pre-school he began his acting career with a starring role in "Caps For Sale." He performed in plays every year since! He attended The Imago School for grades 1-8. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Imago, it is a small private and very conservative Christian school. Every year they had a "Fine Arts Revue" with talented students playing violin and lovely piano pieces, but Adam shattered that tradition by performing funny, wacky songs. “In his early teen years, he enjoyed writing and singing songs with his little sister and his cousins Emily, Jesse and Jacob. He also enjoyed making video action movies with his good friends Nathan Daman and James Gray. “He attended Lexington Christian Academy for high school and he received the "Headmaster Scholarship For Academics." He was elected class president in his sophomore year. He played soccer and he was on the wrestling team. He won a Massachusetts Drama Award in his junior year. It was during his high school years that he developed his truly unique fashion sense. One day he would dress in a business suit, next day he'd be wearing 1970’s polyester pants and shirt. One day in his senior year, Cassy was going to Lexington Christian Academy for an entrance interview. Cassy was hoping to make a good impression and was dressed very conservatively. Adam arrived at school wearing 1970s brown polyester pants tucked into high-top military boots, a blue frilly tux shirt, his hair was in pig-tails, and he was wearing eye make-up. That was Adam. Always different. “Adam seemed silly on the outside, but his heart was very concerned about his friends' needs. Here is a prayer that he wrote about a friend in school: ‘God, Thank you for revealing yourself to me in ways that I have no choice but to believe. Thank you for the miracles You have performed in my life. I pray today that you would do the same for Kelly. Show her proof that she cannot refuse. Open her heart and let her see that she has strayed and can come back to You. Give me the strength and words to show You to her. Help me to answer the questions she has. I pray for healing in Kelly's body, Lord. Take her disease and send it back to where it belongs. Rebuild her health and give her the peace of mind that comes from healing. If I cannot help, lead her to people who can. Show her that there are people who love her, that want to help. People who are willing to help. Break down all her defenses and leave her vulnerable to Your words. Let her feel the pain so she can begin her healing.’ “After high school, Adam went to The Boston Conservatory of Music to major in musical theatre. His appearance changed on a very regular basis. It was Adam and the Amazing Technicolor Hair. Blue, yellow, green and flaming red. The world was his stage and every day was another play. He loved to act, sing, dance and have fun. “Adam decided not to return to the Conservatory for his sophomore year. He wanted to take some time to enjoy life in Newport, Rhode Island and work on his poetry. Mal and I weren't too thrilled with this choice. We had hoped that Adam would become a grown-up responsible adult. Instead, he became involved in the lives of lots of young people that many in the world would consider lost. Little did we know that Adam had unknowingly decided to go into ‘missions work’. He didn't choose some exotic land or third-world country. Adam did God's work in Rhode Island. Last night, the so-called "lost" kids of Newport, Rhode Island held a candlelight memorial in the park for Adam. The principal of the local high school spoke about the lives that were changed by Adam. He rescued kids from suicide and drug addiction. He convinced criminals to turn away from their ways. He taught many people how to have fun and enjoy life. He was a responsible, caring and loving adult after all. “At our request, Adam spent the past year living with us in New Hampshire, but his heart longed for Newport. He recently decided to go to the University of Rhode Island for the second semester that would have started yesterday. “About a week ago, I had the chance to sit on the couch with Adam. I told him how much I loved him and asked him not to go back to Rhode Island because I didn't think he was ready. I wanted him to be with us a little longer. “In my life, I married young and although I still go to my Dad for advice, my father's parenting chores were done, allowing my father and I to become best friends. Adam and I were just entering the friend stage of our relationship. I had hoped for a longer time as friends. “Two years ago, Adam didn't have any money to buy us a Christmas gift so he wrote us this letter. It has become the best gift he could have given us. He wrote: ‘As we grow old, time moves quickly. Too quickly for parents and children. Mother, we have lost the time when I slept in your arms. There are many nights when I am alone, that I imagine myself sleeping on your lap, but still I do not call. Father, time has moved on, past cars on the braided carpet to cars in the driveway. And my memories of games and stories, have, over time, become tainted with arguments and things muttered under our breath. As a child, I missed so many chances to tell you I love you. Now, as an adult, I will not. I love you both.’ “I'm thankful for the time we had with Adam. We loved him and he loved us. We also know that our beautiful boy is now dancing in Heaven with his amazing flaming-red hair. I'd like to share a poem of Adam's that he gave his Mom to read late one night. This will give you a glimpse into Adam's thoughts. "When I was small, I flew once. Built up speed and caught the wind And just flew. No one believes me but I did. There was nothing to tell me I couldn't. Soon after, I began to discover that the more I learned, the more I grew, the less I could remember What it felt like to glide across the yard. Now recently, I have been remembering my flight. I would give anything to be free again, But of course it's impossible. The adult brain is filled with laws; rules; formulas. But once, when I was small, I flew. No one believes me, But I did.’ After this eulogy, my daughter Cassy, and her friend Nicole, sang "Wind Beneath My Wings." Cassy was confident that she could sing this by herself without crying but Nicole offered to stand with her to help, just in case Cassy couldn't get through the whole song. Mal's sister Madeline shared the following: "C.S. Lewis once surmised that each person is created to see a different facet of God's beauty. Something no one else can see in quite the same way, thereby blessing all worshipers of God through all eternity with an aspect of God they could not otherwise see.” “Today, my wish would be that we all think about the facet of God that Adam so brilliantly showed us. A God that is all-loving; looking beyond what is seen by the mortal eye. “Through Adam's creativity, many hair colors and many characters, we know that our God is watching, possibly entertained, yet meeting each person where they are. Yes, there are people who only through Adam's light, caught a glimmer of a wonderfully unique God. Our job is to never forget Adam's unique light; to carry it on even if that light is a glow-stick." Our good friend, Barbara Foote, shared this poem that she wrote: “A wild and crazy loveable boy, Who brought everyone so much joy. You saw the laughter in his eyes, While waiting for the next surprise. Wild T-shirts, chain belts, pierced eyebrow. But jeekers, I remember when he came home with his new orange sneakers. You saw vibrant colored hair with maybe a different part, But did you see deep into Adam's heart? Today you must laugh, joke, dance and sing, Cuz you do not know what tomorrow will bring. Look all around every which way, See clearly what the Lord has for you today. Every day, if we have not danced at least once, we should consider it lost. Giving your heart to Jesus Christ is such a small cost. I have been so weary that Adam's life has come to an end, I have cried and cried to God, "What can I say to my friend?" He gently wraps His loving arms around me and says, ‘My child, do not roam. You must see I have taken Adam home. When all is so weary and you feel you cannot stand, I will hold you up with My very gentle hand. You miss his smile, his craziness, his act for all to see, Be calm my child for he is dancing here with Me! ‘In Me, place your heart and believe. Be open and expect to receive!’ Paul, Mal and Cassy; this poem is what I do, And know forever, we are here for you." Adam's closest friend, Meridith Burkus shared her thoughts about Adam and she sang the song, "No One Is Alone" from the play, "Into The Woods," accompanied on the piano by Adam's High School drama teacher, Christopher Greco. Meridith's brothers, David and Andy, (both were good friends of Adam) joined her up front to sing "I Will Sing Of Your Love Forever." Adam's friend Alletta began to cry as she read a poem that she wrote and Meridith stood with her for support. Next chapter: We open up the service for anyone to share their thoughts about Adam.

My Life With Comics: Part # 172

A brief introduction:
My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the “luckiest man in the comic book business.” But that all changed as of January 9th 2001.

The current cast of characters:
Paul Howley: age 46
Mal Howley: age 46
Adam Howley: my son, age 21
Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16

MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 172

Saturday, January 13, 2001 was the day of our son’s funeral-memorial service. Lots of people were involved in putting this service together. Our church had members, Ken and Ellen Braley, Artie and Carol Boudreau, and David and Carolyn Lincoln, who volunteered to handle things like preparing the school gymnasium for however big a crowd may show up. We had no idea how many people would come to the service because we had moved away from most of our long-time friends in Massachusetts and it seemed unlikely that people would drive over one-hundred miles to attend. Our church volunteers also made sure there was enough food to feed the attendees. Ellen Braley handled the design and printing of the memorial program that I kept changing even up to the morning of the service. Family members had sorted through hundreds of photographs of Adam and planned a photograph display. Scott Bixby, another church member, offered to handle the music portion, starting and stopping the cassettes that my brother-in-law Greg and I had put together.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to wear to Adam’s memorial service. I’m not comfortable in a suit and I rarely get “dressed up.” I decided to wear blue jeans and one of Adam’s sweaters. Mal wore a long, black skirt and a gray sweater that Adam had given her as a Christmas gift. Several friends and relatives had asked us what would be “appropriate” and we assured them that anything they’d like to wear would be okay with us. (Not that it matters, but Adam would have approved of anything from suits to t-shirts. He loved clothes.)


Even though the service wasn’t set to begin for several more hours, Mal and I decided to go there early to make sure that things were set up the way we had envisioned. There were already several people there. Dean, from the funeral home, was already there and he had about 350 chairs set up. The casket was in the front and several beautiful flower arrangements were on display, bringing much-needed color to the gym. The school principal, David Borchers, made sure we had colored markers for people to write their messages on the casket. Scott Bixby did a quick run-through of the music and made notes so he’d know when to start and stop the music during the program. Jim Morel, our pastor, was also there early to help out in any way he could. He agreed to speak a little bit at the beginning and the end of the service and he gave us the freedom to do the rest of the service as we wanted. By 9:00 am, there were about fifty people in the gymnasium. I remember pacing the floor, nervously hoping that everything would go as smoothly as possible, so that this final “tribute” to Adam would be meaningful.

We had a memorial table set up off to one side and Mal arranged some photographs of Adam and some of his personal belongings including his favorite pair of shoes, some clothes, his guitar, a favorite book, his Bible, and a quilt that Mal had made for him several years ago.

By 11:00 am there were probably 200 people there and the service wasn’t supposed to begin until 1:00pm. A friend asked me if I was having the memorial service videotaped and I replied that I’d never want to re-live this day.

By noon, our close group of friends, including Liz Verhoeks, Jim and Barb Foote, Russ and Jeanne Sample, and Eric and Linda Robinson, all managed to sit together. The gymnasium was nearly full. Mal, Cassy, and I sat in the front row on one side. Adam’s friend, Meridith sat in the front row on the other side and she reserved the seat next to her for Adam’s current girlfriend, Alletta.

By 12:45pm the gym was really packed with people and there were people still steadily arriving. People were standing 3 or 4 deep all around the gym because all of the seats and the bleachers were filled. Just before 1:00 pm, the chartered bus arrived filled with the kids from Newport, Rhode Island. They were a colorful group! Most had brightly colored or unusually cut hair and almost all of them were wearing huge, baggy pants. They were crying and carrying arms full of flowers. Most had orange-colored ribbons either tied in their hair or dangling from pierced earrings in their ears. One boy, with a mohawk haircut and lots of tattoos, came up to Mal and me and proudly showed us his newest tattoo on his forearm. It was Adam’s nickname, “Skaerie.”

Next chapter: The memorial service begins.

My Life With Comic Books: Part # 171

A brief introduction:
My name is Paul Howley. Some people have called me the “luckiest man in the comic book business.” But that all changed as of January 9th 2001.

The current cast of characters:
Paul Howley: age 46
Mal Howley: age 46
Adam Howley: my son, age 21 (referred to as “Skaerie Adam” because in college there were four students named Adam and while they were deciding how to differentiate between the Adams, he slipped out of sight and when he returned someone remarked “Oh, that was scary.” Adam changed it to this phonetic spelling and the name stuck.)
Cassy Howley: my daughter, age 16

MY LIFE WITH COMIC BOOKS: THE HISTORY OF A COMIC SHOP-Part 171

We got a phone call from one of the parents of the kids from Newport, Rhode Island, asking if it would be okay for a bunch of the “Park Rats” to come up to the memorial service on Saturday. They planned to rent a bus so they could all ride up together. Of course, we told them that they’d be welcome.

Mal came up with an unusual idea to help the “Park Rats” say good-bye to Adam. Because of Adam’s love of words and poetry she thought of an interesting way for friends and family to express their final thoughts. We went to the Wilkerson-Beane Funeral Home and we bought a silver casket that had a surface that would allow people to use markers to write “messages” to Adam. Mal, being far more compassionate than I, knew this would help the kids deal with the loss of Adam. I, on the other hand, was partially blaming these “Park Rats” for Adam’s death. My resentment of these kids and my personal grief was making it nearly impossible for me to think clearly enough to write the eulogy that I wanted for the memorial service.

We still had some relatives staying with us at our home so there were a lot of conversations going on most of the day. I remember very little of the content of the conversations but I know that we welcomed the diversion. We were still trying to finish putting together the music portion of the memorial service when Mal’s sister Madeline suggested a beautiful closing song that was a favorite song of Mal’s. Mal worked with several other relatives, sorting through our family photo albums to create a display for the memorial service. Things were pretty hectic. It was during the quieter times that the magnitude of our loss was the most intense. As evening approached, without thinking, I got out a blank videotape to record one of Adam’s favorite TV shows for him (“Ed” starring Tom Cavanagh and Julie Bowen).

Friends continued to stop by bringing more food and offering their condolences. One woman, who had recently lost a child, shared a Bible verse with us. “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.”

We began receiving condolences through email and lots of cards. Two emails were from women Adam had known. One said, “I really have no words to express how much Adam will be missed. He was an excellent friend and probably the most charming person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. I know how much he hated sadness and everyone here in Newport is trying desperately to make him proud. This morning I saw the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen and we all know in our hearts that it was Adam’s way of saying he’s okay. I can see him now, having the time of his life up there. All of the people he loved keeping him company until we can see him again. If anything, this has renewed my faith in God. Adam was most definitely the epitome of all that is good and he loved to make people smile. He will be remembered forever by all of the people who were fortunate enough to have known him.”

Another wrote, “When I think of Adam I see his smiling face. I see him dancing around enjoying whatever music is playing at the time. Whenever I needed something done and I asked Adam to do it for me, he was always willing to help. My thoughts and memories of Adam are all good ones and happy ones. His smile is the first thing that comes to mind whenever I hear his name mentioned. He was a really good friend and I will miss him. We will all miss him. I’m glad I had the chance to know him and work with him.”

A manager at the restaurant wrote, “I personally wanted to tell you that I am deeply sorry. Adam is and will be always loved by everyone he has touched. He made the lonely feel like they belonged and he made the sad happy again. His wonderful personality, humor and regard for people’s feelings will be remembered forever. He made our days at “Friendly’s” easy to get through.”

Later, as I drove through Laconia, New Hampshire, I discovered that the large sign at “Friendly’s” that normally advertised food “specials” had been changed to read, “We love you Adam.” Our friends, Mike and Liz Verhoeks (owners of Laconia Pottery), used their store sign to say, “We love and will remember you Adam” and “Our love goes out to you, Paul, Mal, and Cassy.”

We got a phone call from Alletta (Adam’s friend from Newport) inviting us to attend a candlelight service that the Park Rats had organized. The kids wanted to do something special in memory of Adam and they didn’t want any trouble with the local police so they actually got permission from the city. The city insisted that the kids have at least a couple of responsible adults there during the service so they arranged to have the local high school principal there to keep things under control. Mal and I really wanted to be there but it would have meant that we’d have at least seven hours of round-trip driving and we knew we’d need to be as rested as possible for the memorial service the next morning. My brother David and his wife Stacy lived a short distance from the Newport park where the candlelight service was going to be held and he offered to go to represent our family. He also offered to videotape it for us.

David called me as soon as he got home after the candlelight service ended to share with us what had happened. He emotionally explained to me how much Adam was loved by these kids in Newport and how much of an impact he had on them. When our conversation was over, I felt differently about these kids. I was no longer angry at them and I no longer resented them. They were mourning the loss of Adam too. I went to my computer and began working on the eulogy. There were only twelve hours before the memorial service the next morning.

There was an article in the Newport Daily News the next morning about the kid’s candlelight service. It said:

“Victim made big impression.”

“About 100 people held a vigil at Queen Anne Square to celebrate the life of Adam ‘Skaerie’ Howley, who spent the last two summers in Newport and died in an accident Tuesday in New Hampshire.

“Adam Howley lived in Newport for only a short time, but he left behind an army of friends. Howley, 21, died Tuesday in an auto accident in Laconia, New Hampshire. On Friday night, 100 or so of his local friends gathered in Queen Anne Square to remember Howley in a festival of warm feelings on a cold night. The crowd was made up mostly of teenagers from Aquidneck Island’s three public high schools.

“Some wore white T-shirts printed with Howley’s picture. Others were decked out in orange, his favorite color. The mourners gave speeches, sang songs, held candles, laughed loudly, hugged one another and shed tears.

“Howley lived in New Hampshire in recent years, but planned to attend the University of Rhode Island for the upcoming semester, He lived in Newport during the past two summers and made an impact on the kids who frequent Queen Anne Square—the skateboarders, punk rockers and hackey-sackers, the kids who often live on the fringe of the high school social whirl.

“During Friday night’s memorial service in the park, crowd member after crowd member shared an anecdote or positive wish. One boy told how the upbeat Howley helped him through a tough stretch after his mother died. A girl said she knew Howley only slightly, but that he befriended her when she ran away from home.

“Some talked about how he taught them to appreciate and respect each other’s differences. ‘He was the kind of guy who was there if you needed anything,’ said Chris Kennedy, a Rogers High School sophomore. ‘He was just a great man. Everyone really respected him.’

“Evan Sims of Newport started to sing, ‘It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday’ by Boyz 2 Men, but got choked up during the first try. He gave it another shot and faltered again. At that point, several other youngsters joined him on the lawn, wrapped their arms around one another and helped Sims finish the song.

“Victor Thomas of Newport and Tim Dyer of Middletown wore ‘Skaerie T-shirts’ and talked about their friend. Thomas said Howley lived with him for awhile. ‘He was a great guy, a talented guy,’ Thomas said. ‘He changed the lives of all the people here.’

“Dyer said Howley was an upbeat person, who befriended people and encouraged them. ‘He taught a lot of kids what life is all about,’ Dyer said.

“Rogers High School Principal Victoria Johnson attended the vigil. Howley never attended Rogers but he was friend to many students.

“‘We honor the people we love,’ Johnson said. ‘That’s what life is all about.’
“Barbara Pothier is godmother to Howley’s girlfriend, Alletta Cooper. Pothier said Howley was a talented poet, and told the group she wondered if he would have become a politician or an actor. ‘A great person,’ shouted a boy in the crowd, to great applause.

“As the tribute wore down, many sang, ‘I’ll Be Missing You,’ the tribute that Puff Daddy and Faith Evans recorded in honor of rapper Biggie Smalls. The mourners raised candles to the night sky and one boy yelled, ‘Hail to the king! Long live Skaerie!’”

Next chapter: The Memorial Service.
Pictures: Local tributes to Adam.